Impostor Syndrome-ish
Impostor Syndrome-ish
I often feel like I'm "not autistic enough", like I'm faking it or I'm just misdiagnosed because I don't have a lot of the big signs typical of someone on the spectrum. I was diagnosed when I was young so that makes it feel like maybe the diagnosis was wrong. I don't know if I just mask really well or if I'm lying to myself. It's rough. Can anyone relate to that or give me some words of wisdom?
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I'm in a similar boat. I've learned how to work around and work with my autistic traits, and learned my limits for my sensory sensitivities so I can pretty well cosplay as a professional and serious functioning adult. I also will sometimes lean into my social awkwardness with the hope that it can be endearing 🤣
But if you really are largely past having the traits that gained you the diagnosis as a kid, it's my understanding that you can grow out of many autistic behaviors and traits
Most importantly only you know who you are, so you don't have to let the autistic label drive you or control where you go or don't go. Learn your limits, push the limits and learn your new limits. The way I see it having now checked all of the big check boxes of adulthood (married with kids and a house and a professional career) everyone's at least a little weird, everyone is very flawed and whatever we may be overconcerned about in ourselves is ultimately no big deal in the grand scheme of things
I definitely showed more traits when I was young. I hated bright lights and loud noises, I carried specific items with me everywhere I went, I often missed social cues amongst my peers at that age, and I visibly and noticeably stimmed (rocked back and forth, squinted, rubbed my face). I still stim sometimes, but I think the fact that I feel leagues more comfortable in social situations these days is what mainly makes me feel like I'm "faking it". I do miss some social stuff sometimes. But I've also done a lot of things I never thought I'd be able to do when I was a kid - I can drive, I have a career, I have close friends, lots of things that I was certain were unattainable (mostly bc I was riddled with depression and anxiety). I think my biggest fear is that I've been considering myself on the spectrum and then finding out that I never was. Like I was taking advantage of a group that I don't belong to
Did you ever take advantage of it though? (If you can even call it that, I can't think of any non-extreme cases and you didn't made it sound like you'd do that)