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Oh, that reminds me something I wrote in Mastodon, about how some Romans would handle the internet, specially the fediverse. I'll translate and expand it here.
Cicero wouldn't ever use Mastodon, he'd say that it's "too limiting". Instead he'd be here in Lemmy and write huge walls of text. Nobody would read them right off the bat, but years later people would look and say "this guy was spot on".
Marcus Antonius would reply Cicero with NN = nimis, neglego (too long, didn't read) from his Kbin account. Cleopatra would send him some sex NDi = nuntii directi (DMs), but Marcus Antonius would reply to her in the open. "It's fine, nobody here gets the context, plus we're talking in Greek!". Everyone would see the interaction, roll their eyes, know exactly what's about, and move on.
Catullus would spend 90% of his time in saving and reposting Clodia pics. 10% mocking Caesar. I bet that his poems would be highly upvoted though, they're fun and nice. He'd do it from Kbin.
Caesar would be astroturfing the shit out of some Mastodon server.
Martialis would be self-hosting his Lemmy, with exactly one user. Eventually some big Lemmy server would get enough of his merdifari (shitpost) and the admins would decide to defederate him, but that would cause some drama because his merdifari was actually fun.
Nimium diu.
Non legitur.
"Nimium diu, non legit" could work. I wouldn't use the passive "legitur", it's begging for some jerk to reply it with "reuera, ego illud legi!!!" (actually, I read that!) or crap like that.
It's just that "nimis, neglego" is shorter and alliterative, even if not literal. Plus that "neglego" (I'm indifferent, I neglect) shows the same sort of disdain that you see often in "TL;DR".
Catullus would be simping hard
He would. To creepy levels - Clodia posts some pic with a popsicle, and Catullus replies "damn I feel jelly for the popsicle". It would be hilarious, and his friends would toot him some taunts, and he'd reply "you fucking pieces of shit, I'm fucking you next!".
Then Clodia would post another pic. With her boyfriend. And Catullus would post something like this.
She doesn't blow guys, she glūbit them
A literal translation of that glubit would be "she peels off". It's fapping/jerking off, not blowjob.
For blowjobs there's [ex]sugit (he/she sucks [off]). I could picture Martialis using this in his merdifari, or Marcus Antonius using it to taunt Catullus, like:
@catullus@kbin "S-s-sed mea Lesbia"? AAAH QVAESO CATVLLE! Lesbia tua gladios mediae Romae suxit! 8==D*: Futue alteram feminam cornute!
@catullus@kbin "B-b-but my Lesbia"? AH PLEASE CATULLUS! Your Lesbia sucked swords of half Rome! 8==D*: Go fuck some other woman, you cuckold!
And... yes I know an unhealthy amount of insults in Latin.
My bad ^^