Trans

Quick preface: I thought nanowrimo was this month for a second, so I started typing, thinking I'd do a fictionalized version of myself that came out when her egg cracked instead of waiting 30 years. I was like 3/4ths of the way through the day's word count when I realized I'm off by a month, but writing this was so cathartic that I kept going.

Amber, she thought, would be a good name. The hard part would be getting people to call her that. Or to acknowledge that she was, in fact, a girl.

Amber was moving to Colorado, because the doctor had determined that she was allergic to the entire state of California. Her dad had found a job doing the same things with computers that he always had done, but in Colorado instead, so they moved. A move seemed like a good time for a fresh start, a fresh name, and a fresh gender.

She was scared to tell her parents what was going on, but she was more determined than scared. All she needed to do was to find the right words and the right time. So as they drove through the endless desert, she sat in her seat, staring at the nothing out the back window of the station wagon, and tried to find the words. 'Hey mom and dad, I'm actually a girl and my name is actually Amber.' but that wasn't quite right, there was so much more. And that sounded so defiant, didn't her parents know best when they gave her a boy name and acted like she was a boy? But that wasn't right either, maybe -

Just then the baby woke up and started crying. Mom and Dad stopped their quiet conversation up in front, and Mom called out softly "It's ok Ben, we'll pull over as soon as we get a chance." Right, Amber thought, I have to call him Ben now, because the new baby is on the way, and she'll be the baby, and he'll just be Ben.

But the desert of nothing dragged on and the crying kept escalating, so soon EVERYONE in the car was grumpy. Sally started poking Amber instead of staying on her side of the back seat, and Betsy just kept drawing in her sketchbook, but with one finger in her ear, to try to quiet the noise. Dad finally gave in and pulled over on the side of the freeway, because there hadn't been a sign in five miles.

While Mom took care of Ben, changing his diaper and nursing him, Dad dug out some snacks from somewhere and passed out a handful of GORP to each of the three big kids. "Good ol' raisins and peanuts! Don't just pick the M&Ms out, I don't want to be cleaning all your peanuts out of the car later."

"How much longer will we be in the car?" asked Amber. "Well our hotel is in Salt Lake City, so I think we are more than halfway there." said Dad. "Halfway! Uggggggghhh..." said Amber. She ignored Sally, who had resumed her poking as soon as Dad wasn't looking, and turned to Sugar, her little snow white teddy bear, and pretended to feed him peanuts, which fell directly on the floor of the car. "Can we at least get out and stretch our legs?" asked Sally. "No," answered Dad, "we aren't even at a rest stop, there's just this road and a bunch of prickly plants, no where safe to run. Just... take a nap or read your book or color, we'll be at the hotel before dinner and you can take a swim."

-----

Finally they had made it to the hotel! Hotels were fun because they had a pool, but Amber wasn't as excited about the pool as usual. Her swimsuit was a boys swimsuit, and she felt self-conscious about her chest. Sally's swim suit was bright yellow with red flowers and covered her chest, but Amber's was just dark blue and looked like a pair of shorts. But a pool still sounded good after a long day of sitting still in the car, so she just kinda awkwardly tried to carry her towel in front of her until she got almost to the pool, then dropped off the towel and jumped into the pool in one quick motion, so no one would see. Once she was neck deep in the pool she felt much better about it, so she stayed at that depth and splashed and played with her family and the other kids at the pool.

-----

The drive the next day was much more interesting, the scenery more varied and the mountains loomed. Soon, Amber's dad was driving through tunnels and across bridges and up and down switchbacks, and Amber's mom was trying not to swear at him for driving "too fast" or "too close to the edge". They got out and stretched their legs and the kids got their photograph taken with the big sign that said the Continental Divide, and spit on both sides of the slope, so their spit would end up in both oceans. Amber didn't like getting her photograph taken, because they always looked like some boy instead of how she felt she should look, but she smiled anyway, big and cheesy and forced.

-----

After getting to Denver they drove up to The Rental and all got out. The moving truck was already there, and there were boxes of stuff everywhere. The Rental smelled funny and had weird stained glass windows, and even weeks later, when things had been unpacked, it didn't feel like home. Amber wasn't comfortable, in her skin, or in this house, or with the sights and smells, and she was definitely scared, so she never found time to tell her parents about what was going on. She also was sad, because Sugar's best friend, Oatmeal, a little brown teddy bear, somehow didn't make it to Colorado in the move and was lost forever. Her parents, also, were busy with the new job and putting things in order, and looking for an actual house to move into.

-----

It was always one excuse or another, there was always something going on that kept Amber from speaking up. They moved out of the rental and into a proper home, and then promptly all caught the Chicken Pox. They had met new friends at Church and at Co-op, who took care of them while they recovered, but Amber still felt like no one really knew her, because they called her a boy and didn't use her name, but she still hadn't found time to sit down with her parents and have this very important conversation.

-----

Finally it was her Birthday. She was turning 8 years old today, and her new friends were here, and there was cake and presents... but everything was slightly wrong. The cake had blue icing instead of pink, and had the wrong name on it. She got hotwheels and legos in her presents, when she wanted polly pocket and lego in her presents. When they sang happy birthday, they used a name that fit her body, but not her brain. And all the cards had "birthday boy" instead of "birthday girl." So when she closed her eyes and blew out her candles and made a wish, it was that everyone could see her as she really was.

When she opened her eyes, everything was suddenly right. The cake was pink, the hotwheels were polly pocket, and her big present from her parents was getting her ears pierced. But then she opened her eyes for real, and reality was still good, she was still surrounded by friends and family who love her, but it was all slightly off again. The ice cream was melting and making the cake and the paper bowl both soggy, so she went out in the back yard and played with her friends, pretending to be the puppy while the other girls played house.

-----

A month later and the baby is here! Her name is Gabby and she is a princess. Amber thinks she's so tiny and lovely and she'll love her forever. Grandma flew out from California to take care of the kids while Mom and the baby settle into some kind of routine. Amber likes her other grandma better, because she doesn't make them eat their veggies and gives them extra desert. This grandma says that eating your veggies will "put hair on your chest" but Amber doesn't want that. She is worried that she'll grow up to look like her dad instead of her mom, but doesn't know how to say any of that without offending anyone, and she doesn't offend people, she the good one, the quiet one. Sally is the loud one who offends people.

-----

School starts and Amber has to get up in front of everyone and lie to them, give them a boy's name instead of her own. She was hoping to tell her parents before now, before she had to lie again, but it's so hard to talk about, she doesn't have the vocabulary, and they'll get mad and... she's not even sure how they will respond. She wishes she knew more, like does this happen to everyone or only some people or am I the only girl in the world born into the wrong skin? Can a doctor fix her body with medicine or a preacher fix it with a miracle? Her parents might have answers to these questions, but they get mad about other queer things like this, and I don't want them to get mad at me and stop loving me...

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Just wanted to put it on your radar in case you didn't know about the show (I only found out about it by accident). I think it's available on Netflix.

The show was written by an enby and the cast includes a trans man and Suzy Eddie Izzard.

Hello cool folks. I have a trans friend in California who might be facing unhoused-ness, and I want to be able to give her resources to help her. I used to know about stuff like the trans couch network from tumblr, but that was ages ago, and I live in the UK now so I only know UK based housing charities.

So: what housing organisations or resources exist in California, specifically the LA area? If any? I feel so out of touch on this side of the pond. I’ll do a Google search as well, but I don’t really trust Google to vet organisations like actual trans folks can.

Alternatively, any advice I can pass along to her would help. I’m trans but I’ve been lucky enough to have secure housing so far, so I feel out of my depth.

I'm a trans woman, and I've been experiencing pretty annoying levels of nausea recently -- like, daily, for a few months. It's not too disruptive, but I get hungry really sporadically, and I spend the rest of the time feeling vaguely queasy. I'm wondering if it's at all related to the drug cocktail I'm on.

I've been on HRT for about 2 years now. I take estradiol (4 mg/day orally) and spironolactone (100 mg/day). I get my hormone levels checked regularly at a clinic. The spiro used to be 50 mg/day, but I had to up the dose after my testosterone levels started creeping back up several months ago.

The T uptick seemingly coincided with when I started taking bupropion for depression. My T levels are back in range, and I've since switched out the bupropion for lamotrigine (a mood stabilizer). But now I have all this nausea.

Despite what I've described, my HRT prescriber and my psychiatrist both insist that this drug combination shouldn't be causing nausea, nor the jump in T levels. So, it's a mystery, and quite a frustrating one. I feel like I'm a big bag of pills that's been shaken up until it's good and dizzy.

Not sure if anyone can relate to this -- how many depressed trans women are there out there, anyway? But if you have any advice, I'm all ears.

This is the summary. It has a link to the full report.

Go to any post on any "relationship advice" community and you'll see people drawing up lines, saying you are the villain or your spouse is the villain. "hit the lawyer, facebook up, delete the gym." Most of the time that isn't helpful, people ask for relationship help because they want help with their relationship, they don't want to end it. Oh sure some people are just looking for a reason to get out of an unhealthy relationship, but why are people so quick to vilify? Divisiveness is not going to solve a relationship problem. I feel like I shouldn't have to start every one of my posts with this kind of disclaimer, but if you look through my post history you'll find me fighting for my wife again and again. She is not the problem, she is part of the solution. My number one goal is to preserve this relationship, fully transitioning comes second to that.

It's not just you all, I see this everywhere. I pointed it out to my wife and now she sees it everywhere. I came out at church and now I'm the villain there, how dare I do this to my wife and kids. Why can't I just "man up" and be what's expected of me?

And when I come out as Christian to my trans friends, my wife is the villain, how dare she hold you back, how dare she not fully embrace her bi nature, insert bi erasure rhetoric here.

Usually I would follow up this kind of caveat with the problem that needs addressed, but in this case, this IS the problem that needs addressed. Constantly having to fight for each other in opposing circles is exhausting, especially when we are asking for help. I don't want to hear "oh your priorities are fucked, transition first then worry about your wife". I'm so tired of asking for help and getting divisiveness. And I don't know what to do.

The two of us sat down with a counselor the other day and we felt seen, at the same time, for the first time. She understood this struggle. I wish she was taking more clients, hopefully the counselor she recommended will be equally excellent. How do we find or make more of these safe spaces, where we can both exist together, without either of us being the villain?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

The first friday of every month is Fashion Friday! Give us your favourite fashion tips, tell us what you love wearing, or even post a photo!

Hi, me being a bellend asking for help again- Imean, uh, helpfully bringing up that having a place to do that could be cool. Yeah, that. I think somecritters around here were discussing such a thing at some point? squeaks meekly?

(Yapping/story-stuff/rambling/???) ... It'd be real cool if the aid programs around here were implemented more sensibly and responsively :-\ Finally got to see a mental-y health-y help-y critter who sent in the stuff to get me on a cash assistance program but now it's just 🦗 🦗 and Idunno if I'm gonna be able to dispel credit bills this month, dunno what'll happen if I don't. I wonder if I can postpone by proving I have COVID? ... Ugh. I assume there's gonna be some kind of torture if I can't. Have been trying not to think of it 'cause I can't handle shit. Am close to being able to, just that one thing needs to stop with the heel-dragging and I'll be able to scrape by well enough to get help and start a life ([Sarcasm] At 34, which everycritter knows is the best age to be starting to live at) but rrgghhh squeaky-squawky-flaily incoherent critter noises! (End ???)

Anyway, was that place ever a thing? I- er, some critters may need to borrow a buck or something. And a nap. Does anycritter have a nap I can use? I'll give it back after 🤷 [Strange incoherent joke] Can't taste it anyway. Bleh.

(Off-topic) In other news, somehow I've ended up in the pridest freakin' city? Every other weekend there's some kinda pride thing going on @.@ Kinda neat Is'pose 😅 🤷 🐭 😶‍🌫️ skitters quietly away, still squeaking excuses and distractions >.<;

Even if it's a small change in your attitude, what is that one thing you can rely on when having a rough day?

I have a few go to activities I can rely on, but they depend on how much time and energy I have to devote to them.

My favorite and most consistent activity is taking a long shower and shaving every inch of my body. Body hair has always been such a huge source of dysphoria for me since I was a teenager over 15 years ago. Weeeellll before I knew what dysphoria was. I would shave my arms and legs until my friends starting making fun of me for it. Didn't realize it was such a "weird" thing for me to do. I just hated seeing the hair and loved the sensation of smooth skin. 😅

Unfortunately this activity takes me a while if I want to do it right, but goodness do I feel like a new woman when I crawl into bed that night with soft silky skin.

So do you have a similar activity? Is it self care based like like or something different like listening to a favorite music album or watching a comfort show?

All the love, Olivia

Hello, likely other trans person who passed by this spot 👋

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15865014

> Hi, everyone! So, I'm moving toward going on estrogen in the next year. Before I do that, there are some steps I want to take to prepare. I'm using an at-home IPL machine now for hair removal, and I'd like to get some voice lessons under my belt as well. The main step I want to take next is sperm cryopreservation. My fiancee and I want kids, but I'm not certain it would be a good idea to have a kid during puberty. So, we want to freeze my sperm or our embryos, and I was wondering if ya'll have any resources you could share? I've looked into a few at-home sperm freezing kits, but it's such a big deal to place your fertility in the hands of a company like that and any advice would be much appreciated! <3

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15864432

> Hello, we were wondering if there were any Peritoneal Pull Through Vaginoplasty surgeons in the UK, or if not or they're not good where would y'all recommend going? > > Not currently seeing the GIC because of long waiting lists, so don't know if that's a concern. We are on hormones though. > > Also, haven't had any other surgeries yet, should we do before consulting them? > > Thanks!

Hey all!

So I'm a cis guy who's only queer in the sense that I'm demisexual heteroromantic. Recently to my surprise, I've gotten into a relationship, and more surprising is the fact that the woman I'm dating is trans. Without coming off the wrong way, I never thought I'd find myself in a relationship with someone who's trans, and thankfully so far it seems as if there isn't a whole lot about dating her that's too different from my previous relationships, putting aside of course that she's easily been the best partner I've had to date.

The thing is, she's still working on her transition. While I think she does an incredible job presenting herself for who she truly is to the world, she's not quite fully at the point where she wants to be just yet with. Namely, she wants to do some work with her voice, and get top surgery.

Now what I want to do of course is be the most supportive partner I can be and help her with getting to where she wants to be. She mentioned that she has a lot of trouble with voice training, and in looking things up online, I came across voice feminization surgery. I brought it up to her, and she seems to have really appreciated me telling her about it.

In terms of top surgery, I've been looking into it, and was looking into the different types of implants available. I read that silicone implants apparently feel the most natural and comparable to regular developed breasts, and while I want to give her all the options available, I also think that silicone would likely be the best option of the different types for that reason, especially since she's questioned her validity as a woman before and I want her to feel like and be her true self.

However, I've been reflecting a bit. While I'm happy to explore these things and learn more about them to try and help her find what's best for her, I also don't want her to get the wrong idea of things. While it hasn't been the case to date that she's taken things this way, even specifically telling me she appreciates what I'm doing, I also worry about either getting potentially too involved in her personal life, giving the wrong idea that I'm making suggestions based on my own interests rather than hers, or that I might lead her make a decision where the end result doesn't match the person she is and wants to fully be.

What can I do as a partner for her who's cis to best assist her with her journey in transitioning? Where should my place be in supporting her through her journey? How can I prevent myself from making a good-intentioned suggestion that might not end up being the most affirming thing for her? How can I ensure that I'm giving her all the information she needs accurately, without unknowingly pushing options that might not work best for her?

Thanks in advance, I'll be sure to start responding once I wake up and will take any criticism and critique as needed.

Hello, everyone. Hopefully I'm not doxxing myself too badly if I reveal that I live in Japan, which is not a great place for trans healthcare.

The standards of care here are still from the stone age, and date from a prosecution under Japan's widely reviled eugenics laws (fortunately repealed in... 1996). Yes, that's right: the guidelines themselves state they're to protect medical practitioners.

The key requirement is to jump through enough hoops to convince your doctor that you really do know what you want, and then do it all again with another doctor, just in case the first one was biased towards the patient. The hoops include, potentially, genital exams, karotypes, interviews with family and coworkers, and RLE. There's no set timeframe, but six months to a year seems to be the standard. Only then can you access any gender-affirming care, including HRT.

Now fortunately there is a loophole. Any treatment started outside the scope of the guidelines can be taken over by the evaluating doctor concurrent with the inquisition. And, as it happens, I'm not personally bound to follow anything.

So, with the sound of a month's supply of my new favorite hormones in convenient gel form hitting the mailbox, I'm ready to start DIY! Hopefully my doctor (who I'm due to see for the first time in October) will be cooperative. From the sound of it a lot of people are using the same trick...

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15424151

> So today we finally got around to reading the instructions for some of our patches (Estradot) and realised they say not to put them in the fridge (or freezer but we wouldn't put patches in the freezer anyway). We took them out but they have been in there for months. > > Are they ruined or less effective? > > We started doing it because our other patches (Evorel) denatured once a while ago, and wanted to avoid the same fate with these ones since it's been a hot summer and have nowhere really cool to store them since we are on the top floor of a building and thus it gets very hot up here, even in our drawers. > > So we are wondering what exactly is the problem with them being in the fridge and are they ineffective now or will they be okay now that they're in the a drawer and hopefully stay cool for the rest of the month? > > We have left our other patches (Evorel) in the fridge as they don't say not to.

I've noticed that when I used to see myself in pictures I'd hyper assess every little detail of it to check for passing. Now when I see myself in pictures I don't do that anymore. Anybody else notice the same thing?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For those of you who don't know, the Blahaj Zone admin team runs a matrix space for gender diverse folk. Similar to lemmy, it's designed with a few "official" channels, but is otherwise a community curated space, with channels run by our members. You don't have to be a blahaj zone user to join.

If you're already a matrix user, you can head straight to our application room https://matrix.to/#/#gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone, or by searching for #gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone from within your matrix client.

If you're new to matrix, you can find some more details and an instruction video on how to get up and running here https://chat.blahaj.zone/c/genderverse/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15223477

> We need more transmasculine people (and people in general) on here. If you know a transmasculine person please get them to check this place out. Spread the word!

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

So, let's keep it simple to start.

How have you been? Where are you in your journey?

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts for a while but we won't get into that.

I've just hit 6mo on HRT and last week I learned...

drumroll please

I finally love myself! Something that has taken me 30 years to learn to do. And that final piece of the puzzle was to embrace myself as Olivia ❤️

So, how have you been? What's on your mind?

• O✌🏻

If you've found some new resources regarding being trans (any aspect of it), link to 'em down below. Sharing is caring, woo hoo.

Personal tips/anecdotes of things you've found useful are also welcome.

User dandelion posted this link in a comment on MTF, and I figured y'all would be interested in this (especially to the eggs out there).

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

i know people here have a sour taste over hexbear but im so happy to see trans spaces on the fediverse popping off, im so done with corporate social media and its great to see.

love seeing hundreds of trans people vibing

Do you keep them, destroy/delete them, lock them away? What are you doing with your photos of your old self?

Personally I'm a bit torn. On one hand I want to keep them because they are still memories, on the other hand I never want to see them again. So I will probably lock them away/archive them somewhere.

But what about you?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).

With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.

I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it's a necessary step to get better.

And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like "how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable" and so on.

And now I'm here, asking you for similar experiences you've had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it's a normal thing to feel (hopefully).

So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/14307939

> A user posted some incredibly good science on DIY HRT, I have verified them, they wish to stay anonymous. > > Please take a look at their post! I know people have a vendetta against hexbear yada yada yada but please take a look at the post, it is very good information.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I tried to put some feelings down in words. It's a bit dark; I hope that's OK.

---

A ship sailed over waters deep Beneath a graying sky; A sightless pilot at the helm Dreaming of distant shores.

The clouds rolled in, the waves grew tall, Yet onward pushed the boat; What else to do for a lonely crew Who knows no other home.

Insidious breakers beat the prow, The sailor's grip grew tighter. Far away from an unknown port The ship began to founder.

To stay with these worthless timbered bones, A barnacled prison cell, Would bring an end to a pointless voyage, And beautiful dreams as well.

One step, so small, into the dark, Leave the ship to the ocean grim. It matters not what the morning brings For I was born to swim.